My First Blogging

For a long time now I would look at my keyboard, close my eyes and pray that when I opened them a couple of minutes later I would find my Muse. A muse sounded romantic, poetic, even accomplished and I wanted to start from There but alas! it never happened. And so I proceeded to create my own muse ...er..... a muse-like entity. Create? Well, perhaps it was there just waiting in some corner of my mind for the right time to manifest itself. Something that would connect the dimensions inside and outside of me.

Once upon a time when I had become a housewife after having worked for a few years, I found the housework absolutely boring. Yes, the meals had to be prepared, house mopped, laundry done and children cared for. These were all taken care of pretty efficiently, sometimes even creatively, and often the compliments were welcome .... but that whirring, that meddling buzz in the head never stopped. It would rise to a crescendo and then slip to a muted far away whisper, whistling tunelessly... but never completely disappearing. It had to be dealt with. That voiceless sound, faintly cosmic never left me in peace. It occurred to me that this primeval echo needed a companion and I wasn't enough..bits of me may have satisfied it's thirst.... here and there ..... but never the whole me. It became a little persistent.

By then my person, or simply, I too was feeling pretty lonely in a very real sense and realized that what was needed here was a Friend, a mutual multi-level true friend. Someone who could transcend the space between the echoes of my presence in this world and the noises of my mind. There was a need for brutal honesty here. This thing or person must also have the capacity to swing from the core of goodness to the centre of evil, and be someone who was willing to play myriad roles with juicy succulent relish...

The TV, to which most housewives turn to, could never address this whirring, but books....they were good. Very good, that in fact they enhanced the whirring! And books weren't interactive. I wanted to converse, you know.... talk to someone who would share the same problems with me but come up with different solutions, someone I could disagree with and even have a tiff now and then. Someone who would mock me and yell at me, hurtling my temper to incinerating levels or push me against the wall and smother me with passionate kisses leaving me breathless.....

I was looking for this mythical thing /person that could perhaps be a campanion of sorts or just someone hanging on the edge of my day-to-day life and always have something to say on all that happens to me. ....so I did eventually find someone - welcome to Be-e-linger.....

Be-e-linger started visiting me, at unexpected moments, always sharp and with an alluring freshness....and always true to its essence that birthed it - spiritual yet worldly, charming yet blunt, opinionated when drunk, intellectual when sober, referential when queried, philosophical when tragic and phallic when wickedly tormenting ..... popping up after a warm shower, or before my dinner, or in front of neighbours, at the feet or on the tummy...... everywhere and anywhere.....often with a glass of vodka and a slice of lemon, sitting smugly or standing tall or swaggering towards me, coming and going whenever it chose.

There are times when in a serious mood it would, with the deepest of respect, cock an eyebrow at me .... knowing well that I am dying for a little attention, a little conversation, a little fun and would generously caress my cerebral parts and wait ....... it has been one long drawn out affair...fifteen years and still going somewhere

Patient and arrogant, enduring and reckless, kind and caustic and much more...it befriends, abandons, compliments, ridicules, glares, smiles, fades ...but always lingers.....my dear Be-e-linger.....................