Today is that kind of a day.......

My belief on most things around me is negative. I believe from Day One we are screwed. I believe in conspiracy theories. I believe Diana was murdered. I believe that we are chattels in the hands of the Rothschilds et el and their silent, hidden empires. I believe that the axis of power exists but not how Bush said it does. I believe that there is a Big Superior power and that It is having so much fun wielding that power.

From the moment of conception, we have been had - we have lost our choice. Our parents are decided for us. If you are born into destitution it isn’t your fault as much as it isn’t your fault if you were born into wealth. You battle all sorts of ‘forces’. You are nurtured and if early on you reveal your penchant for making your own choices, you know what becomes of you. Still you emerge, sometimes victorious, sometimes not. Eventually when you are ‘old’ enough to actually read the writing on the wall you know who you are or what you have become. Well.....most of the time at least.

So! .....with so few choices in one’s hands should one really think that he or she is on top of the food chain and therefore is a god in the making? The gods amongst us have already been decided.....

Deep breathing now..........

My outlook is a happy one. I love the high mountains and the pure serpentine rivers. I'd do anything to keep these the way they are. I love the creatures that bring colour and music into our lives. I love children and people and I believe in love. I believe that our time here can be the happiest in the way we want to make it and we can fill it with whatever we choose, within our means. And the means that each one has been granted by Him is more than enough.

I like Americans, but at times detest the business of america. I damn its unscrupulous nature when it screws anybody who stands in the way of huge profits; the america that tells lies to outsiders and bullies those not as screwed up as it is. I like Europeans even though they raped our lands but I hate their 'aloofness'. They may have lived amongst us and dictated our lives for a while but they cannot think for us and claim to know the nuances of our thought and behaviour!

If anything, they are a more confused lot and can’t decide if they are coming or going. They have always received parts of civilizations and have packaged it to suit their interests and marketted it expertly. The worst of that is what the americans seem to have picked up. Perhaps within the pilgrim fathers (and mothers too, trust me!).... within their DNAs began the first spurious mutation as they rode the high seas.

And the two 'institutions' they have given birth to and have fine-tuned to do the most damage to humanity and of which I am forever suspicious are banking and pharmaceutical.

But here is a consoling thought.....We are waltzing to some great cosmic formulae of which we have absolutely no idea. I am no cosmologist, but it does seem to me that the Universe is just to f* BIG for us to worry about any of the above. The Universe functions quite independently of what mere mortals like you and me do on a daily basis ....to ourselves, to fellow humans or to planet Earth. Whether it is our of choice or not, it doesn't matter!

Yes, my soul is saved for the day.

Whenever I feel a little down, there is just one person in the whole world who can make me gush with love and wanting and desire, both as a human and a woman, ummm ..... more as a woman, really.

He makes me want to give away all my love, to that someone special ...... wherever he is....... in a world among the stars, out there somewhere .... with the sweetest of promises .....

....thank you Luther Vandross.....for the way you open the floodgates of my emotions .....everytime!

To this day when I hear him sing Endless Love solo I feel he is singing it for me and to me. I get dewy eyed and breathless as his beautiful velvety voice washes over my skin.

I pretend to feel the thrilling heat of the arms that hold me in a lingering, sensual embrace as we dance slowly and as lips touch here and there..and savour. As his soulful timbre caresses my heart I am so ready to be loved all over again! *SIGH*


~~~````~~~``~`
My love
There's only you in my life
The only thing that's right
Oh yeah

My first love (yeah)
You're every breath that I take
You're every step I make


And I
I want to share
All my love with you, hey yeah
No-one else will do (mh)
And your eyes (your eyes, your eyes)
They tell me how much you care
Oh, yes
You will always be
My endless love
Oh yeah

Two hearts
Two hearts that beat as one
Our lives have just begun
And forever (forever)
I'll hold you close in my arms
I can't resist your charms
No no no no (no no no)

And I
(And I)
I'd be a fool
For you, I'm sure
You know I don't mind (no, you know I don't mind)
'Cause baby you (baby, baby, baby, baby)
You mean the world to me, yeah
I know I've found in you
My endless love

Yeah (yeah)
Do do, do dooo, do do do

Whooooa
And I
I'd play the fool
For you, (for you baby) I'm sure
You know I don't mind (you know I don't mind)
Oh, yes
You'd be the only one
'Cause no-one can't deny
This love I have inside
And I'll give it all to you
My love (my love, my love)
My my my
My endless love

Mmh
My love

'The mind is willing but the body is not?'

No, I am not talking about sex. In fact everything else but sex. No, sex too...sometimes....errrmmmmm...it isn't coming out the way I want it to....

Let me start all over.

The last couple of days has been really horrible in terms of getting work done. In my mind I have cleared the study table, the kids' wardrobes and kitchen cupboards ....I have unpacked from my last trip ........and I have even put back the 'antique' curtains which I had pulled out from suitcases that hadn't been opened since 1880!!

BUT ALL THESE WORK REMAINS UNDONE!!! This lethargy is killing me. When technically lethargy should not.

The only thing I do is cooking and that’s only because of a misplaced sense of guilt. I did tell the family that my coming back to the kitchen will not be a daily affair and they were actually thrilled, especially hubby.I had to at least pretend to use my lovely magazine-featurable kitchen!

I lie in bed in the morning running the 'to do' list in my head and feel so on top of things. But once up and standing before the mirror, seriously contemplating the ills of the world, plucking the stray hairs around the brow I heave and sigh and get winded out. I shower, then sit with my morning coffee and the morning papers. I toss and turn and burrow deeper into my soft velvety sofa with all that I read.

Arrogance is as despicable as lack of integrity but when combined it is degrading to all humans. Crooks always seem to escape and there are just too many fall-guys to take the blame. The 'id' is in glorious manifestation amongst the rich and powerful. So now is a good time for people to consider if there even is a middle path to save us all from the evils that men do.....as the Bard had asked many a time.


I guess if you don't have the killer instinct to destroy people on your way up you aren’t going places. On a clear thinking day when I feel tres noble I am so proud of all the good people who have been warriors fighting the good battles......but at times like this I am thinking 'more fool you!'........

So I should get more sane or insane? After all in the general scheme of things you are but a tiny, minuscule particle... maybe even a non-particle as future discoveries might reveal.....remember everything is 'm a y a'..?